Moving to an assisted living facility or nursing home can be an extremely difficult and sensitive topic for adult children to embark upon with their elderly parents. The advice of Stella Henry, R.N., author of The Eldercare Handbook, is to avoid a potentially difficult situation by having a conversation, no matter what the age of the parent, about what the future holds. Henry says that in her consultations with well-meaning adult children about transitioning their parents to a care facility, 95 percent of her clients request her help once the situation has reached a crisis, the result being confused elders and family chaos.
Explore retirement homes in Toronto
Discussing what the future holds
Having a discussion about what the future holds in general makes it your problem rather than the elder parent’s problem advises Henry. Rather than telling your parent that she has to move, express your concern for her well-being and the fact that it worries you to see her like this. The majority of parents don’t want to be a burden and therefore don’t approach the topic with their children for fear of scaring them and if this is your situation, Henry suggests showing your elderly parent that you want to be their advocate and you are sincerely concerned about what’s best for them.
Request a short-term visit
Many senior living facilities and nursing homes welcome potential residents to visit for a week to test it out and see first hand, free of charge, what the environment is like before moving in. Barry Jacobs PsyD, counselor and author of The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers writes that most of us are more likely to change our minds about a situation when it’s our own choice to do so; when we are under duress to make a major life change we tend to resist regardless of how good the idea may seem to the other party.
If the elderly parent refuses to consider a move, the child needs to back off suggests Jacobs, but not to give up. Raise the subject again when the opportunity arises. Then if the parent shows signs of warming up to the idea, don’t hesitate, arrange for a visit to several assisted living facilities and suggest to your parent that you’d love for them to humor you by visiting.
Care giving as a Team
Stella Henry advises families that caregiving is a family affair and that it’s important to gather family members together to have a meeting without the elder parent present. Issues such as financial, power if attorney, and medical decision maker needs to be decided upon, and one person should be appointed as a primary advocate for the elder. Experts agree that family members should be on the same page regarding decisions for the elder and they should be providing support from a united standpoint. Sometimes one disgruntled family member can make the process difficult especially if the elder picks up on the negative opinion. Families are counseled about not bringing old hurts to the table but to focus on making the best decisions with and for the elder. The well being of the elder should be at the forefront in this important transition process.
By Alice Lucette
Source: aplaceformom.com
Image by SteveFE on Stock.xchng
Post new comment